An Illustrated history of the English Language and Literature

(with mild exaggerations)

An Introduction

To my book obsessed, word addicted, inherently lazy, socially inadequate English majors… we all have been deceived! The history of English, our very own language, has yet to be taught to us in its authentic entirety. Such a calamity must not go unnoticed! Thus, at this most ardent and auspicious hour (thank the damn French for those two "a" words), it is impertinent that the truth of the English language be unearthed and revealed! All misconceptions and outrageous falsehoods shall be exposed and denounced for once and for all.

For we have received such accurate, unquestionable knowledge through a spectacular source. A lineage and family of immense proportions has revealed to us the truth of our language. Such a family is the Europo's whose ancestry can be traced to the wildly barbaric Kurgan, Indy Europo. Indy began his life on the Caspian Steppe and, well, due to personal problems that shall be divulged in due time, traveled westward to an uncharted island. With his story we shall begin…